Personal Thoughts

Stuck.

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I have so much anxiety these days. Day after day, night after night I have left wondering if I’ll ever be able to pull through it all. If I have to be terribly honest with you, I am tired of constantly moving from one place to another every single year.

I can feel the clock ticking. Tick-tock tick-tock.

Spring is coming


I don’t know if it’s just me but I keep having this feeling of being perpetually stuck in between, neither here nor there. Everything and everyone else seems to have zoomed past me in a blink of an eye whilst I’m left here wondering if I’ll ever get to anywhere. Some days I feel like I’ve come a long way, and others I’d be chiding myself for falling so behind (ha, I actually have a paper on child soldiers waiting to be written as of now which I am putting off for a bit to write this post) but oh wells, such is the life of a student. I might as well enjoy whatever that’s left of my undergraduate years while I still can.

Last year, I took a break off pretty much everything to focus on living out my own life. As much as I am grateful to social media for giving me the opportunity to get to know (and even meet up with) some pretty amazing people, at some point it became too much (Twitter, I am looking at you). Now don’t get me wrong, I still stand by the fact that creating this blog is one of the best things that I’ve ever done in my life. After all, I wouldn’t have come across so many kindred spirits if it wasn’t for this blog (and the blogosphere, by extension). After all, this is where I’ve met my first pen-pal slash best friend (who I am still in touch with until today), my writer/blogger crush (!!!) and so many more beautiful souls that has been short of nothing but amazing to you. I remember being super sick this one time with no medications at hand, and one of my readers (another fellow blogger!) was kind enough to send me meds through the mail! T_____T

So yeah, like I said, it’s one of the best choices that I’ve ever made in my life. However, I had to leave to do some growing up on my own. For the longest time, I have lived vicariously through others (and especially through dramas) but one day it just dawned on me that I couldn’t possibly carry on like this forever. After all, dramas are just fictional but my life is right there waiting for me to make the most of it. When you reach a certain point in life you start to feel the time ticking, y’know?  I honestly cannot believe how much have changed in the span of two years. I’ve said a lot of hellos and goodbyes (this is what happens when you have different flatmates every year) and crossed quite a number of things off my bucket list (art exhibitions, festivals, concerts, lavender fields and whatnots), and actually you know what, I’ll be saying goodbye to good olde Reading town in about 5 months time.

Anyways…I am going to try (note how I said ‘try’ instead of promising fervently, ha) to do a personal recommendation corner every month or so just to share some of the things that I enjoy doing that particular month. I’ve always wanted to do something like this but alas, the fact that this blog was previously marketed as a drama/music review blog kind of made it impossible. I mean, I can imagine that it would have been weird if someone went on (what he/she thought was) a drama blog just to discover some random stuff on skincare recommendations and some insights on life, y’know?

Without further ado…here are some things that I’ve been really into as of late.
FOOD: Walker Sunbites in Sweet Chilli (my lifesaver when I’m in a dire need of a pick-me-up), Fortnum and Mason Pistachio and Clotted Cream Biscuits (pricey but if you feel like spoiling yourself a little bit, this is it!) , Fortnum and Mason Earl Grey Tea Biscuits (these biscuits actually genuinely taste like earl grey tea, and actually a little bit like matcha biscuits as well now that I think of it)
MUSIC: Khalil Fong – Moon River (one of my fav oldies reinterpreted with a slight modern twist whilst maintaining a hint of nostalgia) , Elsa Kopf – If (fav OST song from One More Happy Ending), 정승환 (Jung Seung Hwan) – 응급실 (Emergency Room)  (I already love the original song as it is but I also love this reinterpretation of the classic song)
MAKEUP: Maybelline Brow Satin (my to-go brow pencil for daily use, it is a decent brow pencil that won’t break the bank), Laneige – BB Cushion SPF 50+ (#21 Natural Beige) (I’ve been using for the past 2.5 years, this is good for those with oily and combination skin type!)
SKINCARE: Emma Hardie Moringa Cleansing Balm (I swear by this cleansing balm, am currently on my second tub), Pai Camellia and Rose Gentle Hydrating Cleanser (this is not only paraben free but it also leaves you feeling clean without stripping off the natural oils of your skin)
DRAMA: One More Happy Ending (4 more episodes of Jung Kyung-ho!)
YOUTUBE: Bubzvlogz (pretty sure Bubz needs no introduction, I love her vlogs!), OHHAIBELLE (shameless self-promo ha, no but really, check out my vlog channel)
BLOGS: Frassy (I’ve been reading her since I was 18, and I still do today. Her outfits are so well-thought but it’s her ‘give no shit’ attitude that shines through her writing that I love)
PHOTO:

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At the Tate, London (Feb 2016)

I hope that you’ve enjoyed reading this post as much as I have writing about it. 🙂

A work in progress.

These days it feels as if I’m blogging more about my travels even more than Korean shows, haha it makes me kind of apologetic given how one would expect this space to be more drama-focused from the title of the blog but oh wells…let’s just say that this blogger realised that there are many more things which are more important than ensuring oneself is updated with the ins and outs of what’s what and who’s who in the Korean entertainment industry or keeping up with the latest dramas…like focusing on the present and on what you can actually do in RL, or challenging oneself’s preconceived conceptions of the world by travelling, as well as following your own heart and allowing some room for spontaneous happenings while you still can. So yes, I haven’t been really been watching an awful lot of tele or catching up with the latest shows (with the exception of K-variety shows Roommate, Running Man and Immortal Song 2), in fact I think I’ve stopped caring about dramas in general…which is only natural when RL gets too overwhelming for one, I suppose. I think I’m having a phase right now…a metamorphosis of sorts, I guess.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that drama-watching is a complete waste of time, y’know? Because for all you know, it can be a pretty rewarding experience as a whole. You go behind the minds of the characters and try to figure out why they’re doing what they’re doing and assess the strengths and weaknesses of dramas, and if you run a blog or read blogs regularly you’ll be able to discuss your findings and feelings to your heart’s content without having to worry that you’ll be seen as a weird couch potato freak who’s obsessed with dramas because you’ll find like-minded people in a space, which is pretty much the best part of drama-watching in my opinion. But y’know, with dramas, they’re still pretty fictional no matter what and as of late I’ve been struggling to come to terms with the lack of realism in dramas especially with my increasing skepticism and jadedness as time passes by, which is ironic because that is the very same quality that has attracted me to dramas in the first place…which allows me immerse myself into the fictional world and escape from the harsh reality that is life.

The thing is that I’ve grown to be so picky and meticulous that okay-ish dramas no longer satisfy me, I’d rather wait for that one drama that hits all the right notes which compels me to write extensively about it, y’know? Until that happens…I guess I’ll just sit out dramas and spend my time visiting places that I’ve always wanted to visit or doing things that I’ve always wanted to do but somehow never had the time to do…because right now it’s merely a beginning for me, and I probably won’t get to have a lot of ‘me’ time when I’m older (with age comes responsibility, and with responsibility comes attachments…you get the idea). Also, I’ve also learnt that life is fragile, and that many of us tend to take our health for granted…which leads to realisations like ‘I wish I’d done more when I was xx instead of just letting time pass me by and doing nothing productive’, ‘I wish I’d spent more time on myself instead of spending the most part of my life chasing after a so-called successful career.’, ‘I wish that I’ve travelled to many places when I was younger and more healthier back then.’ etc…we only live once, and if I have to bid farewell to this world someday (which I’m sure we all will at some point of time), I want it to be without regrets.

This is why I’ve been travelling solo these days. (Click HERE to hear more on my first solo travel venture in York) It’s quite physically and mentally draining because you have to be on your toes all the time and make sure that you’re one step ahead with travel arrangements and planning out the routes to take and sort out every single detail yourself but the sense of liberation it gives to be able to have the luxury of travelling at your own pace and absorb as much things as you can is like no other. There may be little bumps and obstacles here and there but you’ll learn to work out things and solve problems on your own and grow up in the process. I’ve lived a pretty privileged life for most part of my life, so I think suffering a little bit is good in that it makes you reassess your life and appreciate little things that you’ve taken for granted your entire life.

Another travel post will be coming up pretty soon so you can look forward to that. As always, thanks for sticking around! 🙂

 

Travel Diary: Summer Edition (York)

Heyyy, so I was just wondering…you know…since you’ve done law for so many years now, do you think that it’s weird that youngsters like me actually prefer working in a relatively small firm instead of y’know, adhering to the norm by aspiring to work in a big city law firm instead? I don’t know…I just can’t imagine myself coping with all that humongous stress in a big city law firm. I’m not one to harbour big dreams to earn big bucks (however great it’ll be to do so), I just prefer doing things at my own pace, if you know what I mean.

Oh no, not at all. That’s what the young people are made to believe is the best for them. That’s what they want you to do. They’re looking for people to slave away and do all the difficult work by virtue of them being young and all. It’s not worth it. All your youth spent doing something that makes you unhappy? Nahhh…definitely not worth it. You’re better off working a small firm and slowly building up your experience that way, and then when you’ve felt like you’ve accumulated just about enough you can then move on to larger firms if you want to. You’ll still have years of experience that you need to move up. Y’know what? At the end of the day, it’s the years of your experiences that matters. A few years from now, no one’s gonna care about your grades in university, and it doesn’t really matter if whether you’ve worked in a big city law firm at all. All that prestige and money? It wouldn’t really matter when you’re at my age.

(and this is coming from a 60-year-old big shot lawyer who’s a breast cancer survivor who’s gone through all sorts of ups and downs in her life. I mean, she’s seen people around her die as well as faced with the viable threat of death herself so I know how this is all precious heartfelt advice speaking from years of experience.)

Oh I’m actually really curious…so what made you take the plunge to backpack travel?

Well…I’ve always wanted to do it (travel around)…but my husband and daughter were unwilling to travel with me and y’know…sometimes you don’t know what you’ve got until you’re confronted with the reality of the fragility of life. Life’s too short to have any regrets so I thought well…I don’t care I’m going to just do this. Might as well do it while I still can. 

(and this is coming from a 55-year-old mum who’s travelling whilst suffering from back issues, who’s also almost got diagnosed with cancer [it was a false alarm, but that was enough to make her see things in a different light] and also dedicated her entire life to her family, so again, we have a another person speaking from experience.)

So really, you can imagine how tiny, insignificant and inexperienced I felt next to them. The first one was from Queensland, Australia while the second one was from Alberta, Canada. We met in a hostel in York while I was backpacking and were dorm mates for a night. Needless to say, they were really engaging and super friendly, and I could just see how they really like travelling from the sparkle in their eyes (they’ve been at it for about at least a month or so and even months, I mean…can you even imagine leaving everthing behind just to live for themselves for once and visit the places that they’ve always wanted to at their age?) despite the fact that it’s quite gruelling and energy draining. I am just plain amazed. I mean, what are the odds of encountering such lovely souls in York, of all places? I feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface of the earth in comparison to them. What’s amazing is the fact that at their age, they clear know what they want or do not want and they will not let their age act as a deterrent to backpack travel. My mum’s about their age but I can never see her doing it y’know? Backpacking or travelling solo. It really takes some serious guts and strong determination to be able to do this.  I don’t even know if I’ll be able to let go of everything and travel solo when I’ve reached that stage of my life. It’s crazy amazing, really. I feel extremely honoured to even have the opportunity to get to know these people, albeit for a very short time.

I’ve decided to begin my post with one of my most memorable parts of my recent travel because it somehow felt right to do so. I’ve always wanted to backpack travel but I’ve always dismissed it off as an improbable idea since I’m an extremely shy introvert. It’s crazy because I’ve never backpack-travelled in my entire lifetime. Neverrr. You know how people like us tend to be all envious of other people’s courage and think…oh wells, I wish I could have the courage to travel on a whim like *inserts a person’s name* but I guess it’ll never happen to me because I won’t be able to survive that — I’m terrible at directions, and I bad at recognising or remembering places, and I generally like and am able to stay at home for an extended period of time happily without feeling bored, meaning I’m the type who’d stay in my comfort zone for as long as I can. (I guess it’s part of the reason why I actually dislike driving a lot. I barely drive.)

My trip to York was an impromptu trip in the sense that I actually only booked everything 12 hours before embarking on the actual trip but whatever it is…there’s just something about York that’s been calling out my name to come visit for quite some time and somehow I decided to just follow my gut feelings for once and you know what, I’m glad that I did because it has in fact led to an immensely rewarding experience. The entire place is just so beautiful and so so rich with history you just can’t help but to fall in love with it. And also, I wouldn’t have met new people if it wasn’t for my decision to just do it. I needed to step out of my comfort zone in order to be able to truly get a feel of how it’s like to be on my own. I used to think that both me and backpacking don’t go well together but I made it! I’m glad that I finally got to do what I’ve always wanted to do for years. It ain’t easy, but it IS possible. I guess what I’m trying to prove is that if people like me can do it (travel solo) you can do it too!

I cannot stress enough on how important it is to actually follow your heart. I decided to travel to York on my own because I thought well…I don’t want to wait until someone is actually willing to travel with me (because there isn’t, and it’ll probably take forever to actually happen) so screw it, I’ll just go alone if I have to. Granted, my kind of backpacking is still pretty much on a novice level since I’ve only did like a 2D1N stay in York but I guess the what matter is that at the very least, I’ve made the first baby step to stepping out of my comfort zone so yay (?). There’s a Chinese saying 一次生,兩次熟 which roughly means ‘unfamiliar at first but you get used to it’ so I guess I’ll get better with time and accumulation of experiences of travelling solo.

Some pictures for your viewing pleasure~~ ^.^

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Went up to Clifford’s Tower
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Victorian street in the York Castle Museum. Ahh~~ The feelsss.
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Kitchen in the 1980s.
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Kitchen in the 1940s.
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Display of some nostalgic memorabilia commemorating women’s suffrage in the UK (this was displayed in a toilet/washroom/restroom O.O)
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Still have loads of pictures but this will have to do.  Can’t believe that I’ve been to 9 places in York in the span of 2 days heh. 😉 YORK IS SO PRETTY EVERYONE SHOULD VISIT YORK AT LEAST ONCE IN THEIR LIFETIME LIKE SERIOUSLY. I hope that you’ve enjoyed reading this post as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it. 🙂

Oh and by the way…

Happy summer holidays everyone! 😀

Why Hello There

It feels like I’ve been away for eternity does it not? May was an unusually long month for me…I can’t believe I’ve actually managed to make it out of this month in one piece. Only God and a close few knows how tough it was for me to even get through a day without even panicking about my finals…I was literally Miss Negativity going all “I can’t do this shit anymore…”, “I shouldn’t have left things to the very last minute…” (Newsflash: I am a major A-class procrastinator…hence me getting overwhelmed with how little I actually know before the exams. Don’t be like me!) so yeah…I took a hiatus from K-ent, K-dramas, K-music…K-everything really…so I don’t really know the latest news in the K-ent front (apart from the whole Kris vs SM madness…I must’ve been living under a rock to not know about that) and you know what? I don’t really care about catching up at all. Real Life’s been such a crazy hurdle to get through I honestly just couldn’t be bothered about how others is faring and all. I wouldn’t have survived without the power of prayers and family. I’m finally done with my finals!!! ^.^

In other news…I’ve just turned another year older a couple days ago and to be honest…I don’t feel any different at all. This year’s birthday was a bit more meaningful because it was also my last day of exam, and also my first birthday overseas but most of all…we had my favourite kind of birthday celebration – a low-key homecooked dinner with just a close few, very suitable for the très introverted me (I can go on staying indoor for months and months without doing anything if I have to).

I don’t know where to start from for blogging simply because it’s something that I’ve been so out of touch with for ages. I’m not what you’d call the most diligent drama-blogger or avid watcher of variety shows, and if there’s one thing you absolutely have to know about me, it’s that I’m very lazy and picky. I usually only write about something if I really feel very strongly about it (or when I like it enough to want to write about them) which doesn’t happen very often, unfortunately. I know that I should probably watch or write about current dramas, or really popular ones and gets really really hyped up because that really helps to bring in more readers to my space and in fact, it’s a tried and tested formula that works (I mean, my most read posts to date are still the ones on Itazura na Kiss – no surprise there *shrugs*) but the thing is, I don’t feel like writing for the sake of writing. I don’t want it to feel like a job (or something I have to do) especially when my actual major in RL is already eating away my interest in reading and writing. I want it to be something that comes naturally, and for it to be my source of comfort and encouragement, and something that I can reflect on a few years down the road, y’know? So I truly get it if people don’t really feel compelled to keep up with this space (because let’s face it, I’m not the most diligent blogger out there), I really do.

But seriously…you know what? It’s okay to be selfish at times, it’s perfectly fine for you to put yourself first, even if it means having to do it at the expense of losing a few readers here and there (which I’m sure I already do, but then again, I barely check my stats so I honestly don’t know how many people are actually even bothering to check out this stagnant/almost dead space) because I’m sure most of us who have a blog chose to set up one because we just wanted to be able to talk to someone about certain things in life but we somehow just couldn’t seem to find the right person and the opportune moment to do it so we had to create one such space to keep ourselves sane, get our thoughts out there, be listened to (or at least seek comfort in the thought that somehow there’ll be someone out there who shares the same feelings as you too). At least, there’s how it is for me. I love dramas, yes. But I think somehow at some point of time you realise that there’s so much more to life apart from talking about dramas. Although talking about a drama I love makes me happy but I think there’s nothing more amazing than getting to meet kindred souls from all over the world who can relate to how you feel about a particular thing at a particular moment despite having not met each other in real life. I’ve even managed to get myself a few close friends out off this little hobby of mine (which was supposed to be just a small space for me to talk to myself and pretend that someone actually reads I write) which is pretty rewarding if you ask me. It’s a virtual space, yes, but that doesn’t make the great personalities behind the words/comments or even the lurking ones any less real than sayyyyy…a person that you actually meet in real life.

So I guess what I’m trying to say here is…thank you. Yes, you, you and you over there. Be it new or regular readers, or even the ones that drop by once in awhile…thanks for sticking around despite it all. Let me just say this in a true Malaysian style…Terima kasih banyak-banyak! (Thank you very very much!)

 

Blog anniversary + Giveaway!

My blog anniversary is coming soon (I know, it’s insane. I can’t believe it’s been a year already!).  I’m not the best writer out there, and I don’t update as frequent as I probably should these days but I’m really surprised (and grateful) to see that there’s people out there who actually reads this space, even if I don’t have a lot of readers. This space is admittedly far from being a trendy blog, as I don’t really cover a lot of currently airing dramas. I know it says ‘dramaholic’ up there but this space is first and foremost a personal space for me to express myself (since I don’t really get to talk about things that’s been on my mind in RL) and after that a place for me to spaz about dramas and music (mostly Korean releases) without the fear of being judged or deemed a weirdo.

I know that I’ve said this before but the fact that there’s people who actually watches this space daily (maybe like, five of ’em HEH), feels so surreal to me. Honestly, I’m just plain amazed that anyone actually cares enough to read the stuff that I put out. I love the fact that the posts that I put out, and the ones that I read are relatable, because it’s a great feeling to know that we are not alone. I blog because nice people like you (and many others) are always so enthusiastic and welcoming as a reader, which motivates me to improve better be it as a person or a writer.

I’m still relatively new to the drama-blogging community,  but until this very day I’m still super amazed by how nice my readers are. I especially love replying to comments, as it’s really feels as if I’m talking to my pen pals from different countries and it makes me happy to talk about stuff that I’m actually passionate about to people who are equally (if not more) passionate about it. I love how being part of the blogging community gives you an instant and huge support structure and I especially love the way how bloggers really back each other (through leaving supportive comments on blogs) when needed. We all struggle to go out in the world to meet like-minded people (what are the odds, really?) but through blogging, like minds come together, and people actually come to you instead. It really is amazing to see how united we can be through our blogs even though we are all so far away and we are all at different points in our lives. It always brings a smile to my face whenever I read comments because I know that there are actually people who care enough to leave a response.

That being said, I figured that there’s no better opportunity to thank y’all for your support than to do it on a blog anniversary which is why I’ve decided to host a small giveaway! The rules are pretty simple. All you need to do is to leave a comment down below with your preferred choice of gift through post (a.k.a snail mail): 1) a card, 2) a postcard or 3) a handwritten letter  and state the reason for your choice. I know that it’s not much but it’s just my way of thanking you from the very bottom from my heart. This giveaway is open internationally so everyone is welcome to participate in this event. The best part? There is no limit as to the number of winners  so as long as your comments are posted before Tuesday, April 1, 2014 (GMT), you are eligible for the giveaway (and in effect the winners). Winners will be contacted via email on the 1st of April with more details about the snail mail. Last but not least, thank you so so much for sticking around!

Lost.

Sometimes all it takes is a conversation with an old friend to make you feel better. The thing with old friends is that you can always count on them for effortless conversation without having to crack your head to think of what to say next. Nowadays I’m feeling very much like an old lady what with me constantly lamenting on the good old days (high school, college and all) because I was a lot more carefree back then. These days, I just don’t feel like I have anyone that I can trust enough to confide stuff with without the fear of being judged, hence me putting up walls, preventing others from coming in. I’m just tired of trying to get to know more people because so far I’ve never met a similar soul like me in terms of thinking and all. I know I’m being extremely difficult. Sometimes I just feel so out of place. I mean, everyone else seems to be so enthusiastic about everything while I just don’t really bother. All I care about is being comfortable, and if I can’t find people who can offer me that, so be it. If there’s no one else to save you from yourself, you’re going to have to do your own saving.

 You’ll never find another person like you. You’re the only one out there… but finding someone who gets you is rare. Finding someone who can accept and follow your train of thought is not easy.

Somewhere in between our conversation I (finally!) mustered the courage to ask her the questions that I’ve always wanted to ask everyone around me. Those are also questions that I’ve been asking myself for quite some time.

Do you love what you’re doing?

Well…I don’t hate what I’m doing…but I don’t love it with a burning passion either.  My major is something that I can live with, as in, I like it moderately enough to study it. It’s just that sometimes I just can’t help but to feel a bit empty inside. People around me seem to be so sure certain about their aspirations and seem to just go for their passion without having to think twice. I wished that I have that too, that passion, that burning fire inside, y’know?  Because at the very least,  if you really like what you’re doing, passion will be all you need to pull you through those bad times and make things a lot more bearable.

Do you have anything that you’re genuinely passionate about?

I dont know what I’m passionate about actually. truth be told. I wish I did. I wish I knew of my (if any) standout talents that i can be like, hey! I can make a career out of this.

The thing is, I too, don’t know where my passion lies in, I’ve never had anything that I’m strongly passionate about, ever, not even once in twenty-odd years of my life. I mean, I like a lot of things but to say that I actually love something with a burning passion and that I cannot see myself doing anything other than that? That never happens to me. I’m more of ‘anything works for me as long as I get to continue studying because I don’t think I’m prepared to plunge myself into work life’ kind of person. Which brings us to my next point.

 Are you pursuing your passion or just being practical?

I don’t know if I’m making a sweeping generalisation here but actually I feel like for us Asians, we generally we go for things that are practical, where we can make a living out of rather than to risk it by picking artsy/creative (but often deemed impractical) majors, because there’s this ingrained mentality that such and such are good career options, and some others not so good ones. Our parents would go ‘We’re your parents of course we know what’s best for you. You didn’t know what to do at that time so we’re just trying to make the best decision for you.’ or something along those lines. And then you’d be thinking ‘well maybe I should do this because everyone seems to think it’s a good idea.  Maybe I should try liking the subject then.’

As many of you might (or might not) have already known, I’m majoring in law (in fact the entire component of my degree is fully law-based lol) at a university. I’m not gonna lie, law wasn’t my first choice. Yeah…I’ve heard of how a law degree is going to open me up to a gateway of opportunities, lead to good career prospects yada yada yada, and obviously I must’ve been somewhat convinced, or else I wouldn’t be where I am now. Well actually, I was quite the argumentative kid who’d retort and deliberately say no for the sake for wanting to be right (but that’s besides the point) and so naturally I was quite adamant about doing law when my dad first suggested to it me.’  But I did (reluctantly) tried Law out while I was doing my A Levels half expecting myself to flunk the subject in no time but ironically it was the only subject that I can cope with moderately. This is going to sound weird but…it felt as if the subject chose me instead of me choosing it, because I simply didn’t have the capability to do anything else. I don’t know what else I can do if it’s not law. I’m not being bitter about it, I’m just merely stating a fact. Oh yes…I was a reluctant one.

It’s funny how I used to worry over things like that. There’s just something oddly reassuring about looking back and then seeing where we are now, how far we’ve come, even things have turned out so different from what we’ve initially envisaged and then finally accepting things as they are. I think I can safely that I’m now at a stage where I am comfortable about acknowledging my past dilemmas and am able to come to terms with myself. You know what they say: ‘acknowledgement is the first step to healing’. Back then I don’t think I would’ve dared to even think much about it, let alone mention it to someone else, I mean, who would want to allow others to peek through their insecurities? I wouldn’t want that.

If you reflect on your intentions, on why you choose to pursue what you are pursuing, meeting expectations is secondary ’cause if you realize why you do what you do, you’d naturally ace it. Anything you’re doing. Renew intentions and understand what you’re doing.  

Before this I was just looking at this whole studying thing like, something I need to do. I didn’t look at WHY i need to learn this. HOW it will apply to my life. HOW it will help. When what you should really think is that, how is this degree going to help others. Where can you go from here?

And then it just hit me that I’m actually doing it for the sake of doing it all this while studying because I have to. For the sake of not wasting money, not disappointing my parents and such.

Why do people do law? To uphold justice? To set things right? To restore faith to people that good does triumph over evil….?

I don’t know.Well it’s supposedly there to uphold social justice and all, but I wonder how much of it still holds water today. I’m a very cynical person. I just have this really bad tendency to first look at the worst side of things. I mean, I know that I might be able to help people out with law, I’m just dubious as to the likelihood of actually being able to make a change, if at all. I just feel so tiny, so insignificant.

Ah, but if one person voices out… perhaps more would follow. No one is insignificant. We just don’t realise our potential.

To be honest, I am still not sure why I’m doing law, and I still don’t know what my passion is. In fact, I don’t have the answers to many more questions that needs answering, but you know what…it’s completely okay to not know the answer to everything. Who does, anyway? What’s important is that I’m already on my way to answering some of these questions and hopefully by the end of my course I would’ve come up with the answers to some, if not all of the questions.

And so today I have 3 questions for you to ponder upon:

1. Do you love what you’re doing?

2. Do you have anything that you’re genuinely passionate about?

3. Are you pursuing your passion or just being practical?